the neighbor

The neighbor

 The neighbor came over and began to complain
about the farmer’s ducks paddling about in his rice paddy

 It didn’t seem to bother him
that one of his buffalos
had come over during the night the week before
and knocked over three of the farmer’s banana plants
or that three of his sheep
had been grazing on the farmer’s land that morning

 For years he had intentionally grazed
his animals on the farmer’s land,
even though he had been asked many times not to

 And he seemed to enjoy yelling
and was always on the lookout
for an excuse to be angry

 What is he whinning about?

 He says the ducks were in his rice paddy again this morning

 Five ducks swimming about in his rice paddy and eating insects
is not a problem
Tell him that the next time I see his sheep or buffalo on my land,
I’ll catch them and sell them

 The farmhand interpreted for the neighbor
what the farmer had said,
and the neighbor then began to yell more loudly

 Let him yell for a while,
said the farmer
Perhaps he’ll have a heart attack
and cease to be a problem

 The neighbor continued to yell
for a few more minutes,
while everyone else ignored him
and carried on with their work,
and then he walked home

 ♫ ♫ ♫

 His wife is even worse
When she came over looking for her sheep this morning,
rather than apologize,
she yelled at us for tying them to a tree

 She’s definitely one of the most unpleasant women on the planet

 We could dig two graves near the front gate,
place a tombstone at the head of each one
and then put the neighbor’s name on one
and his wife’s on the other
Then we could take a photo of the graves and the tombstones
and have it delivered to them with a note that said,
We’re ready for your next visit
Are you?

 It’s a good idea,
but perhaps there’s a gentler solution

 We could put MDMA in their water tank,
just a small amount every day
That would open their hearts
and mellow them out

that’s a better idea

 It might take a while
Those two are pretty heartless

 I have enough for a week or two,
and I’ll order some more tomorrow

 I’d be happy to put it in their water tonight

 With the problem thus solved,
everyone returned
to watching the sun set

 ♫ ♫ ♫